Overcoming Alcoholism Through Acceptance 2
74Photo By Angelica Murphy
One of the most important things that helped me to finally make a life long decision for sobriety was, separating my alcoholic behavior from my true identity as a human being.
When I say, I am a recovering alcoholic, it is true that this is part of my identity. However it is not all that I am and it is not my primary identity. When I was drinking daily and obsessed with drinking, it did seem that this was the most important part of my life. For many years, I woke up not being able to possibly see how I could get through the day or live without drinking.
Then one day a very important thing happened in my conscious mind.
The separation between my behavior as an alcoholic and my true identity as a human being became very clear to me.
(Let me say up front, I realize that there are many factors involved in addiction to alcohol. Genetics, physiology, mental disposition to addiction.....as well as others.)
What I am describing to you was an important piece of what led to my liberation from alcoholism...
You may call it an epiphany or moment of truth. A voice inside me said " Scott, you are not a bad person, because of your alcoholism. You are just making bad choices and experiencing the consequences of those choices.
You see, my whole life I believed that because I had a drinking problem, this meant I was abnormal, a bad person. I felt that something was wrong with me, because I could not control my drinking like other "normal" people. The short equation is that.....
Admitting my alcoholism equaled being a bad person....
I could not accept being a bad person, therefore I could not, would not accept my alcoholism.
(When I talk about acceptance, I am not just talking about a mental assent or acknowledgment-I am talking about a deep, peaceful resignation to the truth, without judgment, fear or self-condemnation.)
Because I could not accept being a bad person/alcoholic, I continued in a cycle of denial and failure, trying to prove to myself that I could handle my drinking or be a "normal" drinker. Trying to prove that I was not a bad person.
What I finally realized and accepted, was that after all, it did not matter what others or society thought about me or labeled me. Self judgment and condemnation about my alcoholism could be taken off the table and I could accept not only the truth that I was an alcoholic...
But I could accept being an alcoholic and be ok with it. It was ok to admit that because of my drinking problem, the only real solution was to never drink again. Non of this made me a bad, abnormal or an undesirable person.
Someone reading this might say, well of course your not a bad person just because you have a drinking problem. But at least in my case, that core belief was ingrained very deeply in my subconscious mind.
I could go into the different reasons why I felt this way..I may explore those in another posting..Regardless of the reason for the self stigmatization, ultimately it was up to me to take charge of my core beliefs and make changes to them.
I also believe that it was important for me to accept the core reasons why I was abusing alcohol.
In my case I abused alcohol in order to try and hide from life (or rather the pain and suffering that I felt about my life)
Part of my total recovery is about engaging and facing life openly. About accepting truths that in many cases are not easy to accept.
What I have found, is that being open to life, engaging life with a sober mind, no matter how difficult it may seems sometimes, is a far more liberating and rewarding.
I want to encourage you to accept the truth, that being an alcoholic does not make you a bad person. You can accept the full truth about your alcoholism and know that its ok. It's ok to accept your alcoholism, without self judgment or condemnation.
It's ok to know that your answer is to never drink again. It's ok to reach out and get help to be sober and stay sober. It's ok to admit if you stumble. Above all, it's ok to be human.
I can tell you all this is ok, but you have to really believe this about yourself, for yourself. Take a look at your beliefs about alcoholism. What do you really beleive about alcoholism and how it defines you? Does it define you? Or is it part of your behavior?
I am currently working on a book that I hope will be ready to self publish by this spring-my hope is that this book will help others to come to terms fully with their alcoholism and be able to sustain a decision for life long sobriety.
If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact me by email or comment on this page.
My prayers and best wishes are with you
James Scott Murphy
