When Cancer Takes A Family Member
83Photo by James Scott Murphy
I don't think there are really words to describe how someone feels when losing a family member to cancer. I can say from personal experience that losing our Mother to acute leukemia nearly 8 years ago, was one of the most difficult experiences in my life. I know it was equally hard on my brother and sister as well.
One of the hardest things to do it seems, is accept the reality or finality of death.
Before our Mother lost her fight, I prayed, I cried and I screamed at God. I cursed, I begged and pleaded for her to live. I was angry, I felt hopeless and in some ways questioned the existence of God, for how could a God of love, allow such a terrible thing to happen?
You may or may not believe in life after death. I know that our Mother did. But the fact remains, it is heartbreaking to know that someone you hold dear, will no longer be with you. I understand this is a sad thing to consider, but it is the truth about how I felt. I stil think back to what could have been and have to remember, that according to my belief system, our mother is at peace and in a far better place.
What about those of us who remain? How can a person possibly deal with losing someone so close? How do we cope with such a major loss in our lives?
I know that before and after our mother's passing, other family member support was vital. My younger brother and sister, were a great comfort to me, as I did my best to support them. Friends can also be a great source of support. As can be church groups or other social networks.
Cancer and even thinking about cancer can be a scary thing. But, I believe that as with most things in life, it is far better to have support from others than to try and endure loss alone. As the song lyrics of R.E.M so truthfully speak, "Everybody Hurts, Sometime"
If you or someone you know has been touched or afflicted with cancer, I urge you to reach out. I know that people deal with grief differently, but in my experience, it is important to let others help. To let others offer comfort and support you. To open your heart to the love that is being offered.
Handling loss is very difficult to do alone. It is confusing and hurts deeply. But dealing with loss and the receiving healing and recovering from that loss, is a part of all our lives. We may not be able to do anything about the things outside of our control, as in the case of our Mother's battle with cancer. We can however choose to stand together with others, reach out to receive support and offer our love to those who are grieving.
My heart goes out to anyone who has been touched by cancer and I hope that if it has touched you, you have also been touched by grace and mercy, even through such difficult time of life and transition.
Be Well and have Peace.
James Scott Murphy
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I am truly sorry for all your loss. I only hope that grace can somehow find its way into your situation. I hope you don't mind if I say, you have my prayers and best wishes. Hang in there.
Sincerely
James Murphy
So many of us have been touched by cancer. I've got a couple of soap boxes I could get on here but I won't. I will only say that it doesn't always have to be the way it is with so many stricken. I'm 64 years old and as long as I can remember the Cancer Society has had their hand out and we continue to loyaly contribute like something different will happen. It doesn't. All the best to you and yours and all who have had to bear this burden and especially any that are going through it right now.
Hey Bill,
Thanks for your comment. I think I may understand some of your soapbox concerns. It's hard to accept that our medical and treatment system is imperfect, but it is what it is. I seriously had some questions about whether the treatment my mother originally received for her breast cancer, contributed to her condition getting worse. We moved her out of the treatment center she was in, after realizing the care was just not good at all. I have no real proof of it. But, as you said I wish the best to all suffering through tough times with cancer.
Warmly
James
I am so very sorry for your loss. I too have dealt with my share of deaths. I have written about a few. But I have not wrote about my experience when my father passed away from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma on Sept 23 2002. He was the "glue" that kept our family together. When he died all of us siblings parted ways and lost touch. I am still close to my 2 younger sisters however we live so far apart. We often talk about things we miss most about Dad and then ofcourse we cry..... My mom won't talk about him. She has a hard time looking at his picture. So everyone grieves differently. She misses him so much that it seems hard to bear for her when she dwells on the past. Here I go rambling on....sorry.
Its true it helps to talk to others about it. Absolutely wonderful hub!
Thank you so much for your comment. I understand how such a great loss can put a strain on family members. What I did not share in my above post was that some of our family members seemed to distance themselves, even more than before. I try to respect each persons greiving process, but it still hurts when it is your family. You kind of expect for family of all people to understand and be there for you. I hope that grace and love find space in your life and that your heart can find rest and have peace.
In Grace
Scott
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for your compassion.
In Peace
Scott
So sorry your mother was taken from you so soon. A mother's love will go on beyond her earthly life but we still miss the person from this world so much. I have my issues with cancer treatments in this country too. We just can't know the answers to those burning questions, never enough proof.
thank you so much for your compassion. I really appreciate it:)
Just almost a year ago I lost my grandfather to cancer and it was the most horrible experience ever. There are no words to explain the pain. And we near the one year mark of his passing I find myself going through it all over again with my fiances grandfather. And it just doubles my pain.
i know what its like to lose a family memeber to cancer but its even scarier when another member of the family has exactly the same cancer in the same places exactly 7 yrs apart, im trying to cope but finding it hard, i have family and friends to support me but i seem to shut them out as thats the way i cope butim now struggling on my own and dont know what to do.
@hayley, I am sorry to hear of your loss and situation. I know there is a tendency to close ourselves off when we are in pain and are fearful. I hope someone you can find the courage to reach out and stay connected with others during this challenging time. The pain of loss is very difficult, but feeling like you are alone in the suffering makes is more difficult to handle. You have my warmest thoughts and hopes.
Nayberry 3 years ago
I know that pain of losing a loved one to cancer all too well. I was pratically raised by my auns, uncles and grandparents because my parents worked a lot. I lost four aunts, two uncles, and a ouple of my cousins to cancer. I have even had surgery to remove pre-cancerous cells from my cervix- twice. There is something so devasting about watching someone you love slowly dying and knowing that there is nothing you can do.
A very sad- Tootles!!